


Never Play Mario Party

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-15 08:18:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2222016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Porrim and Latula play Troll Mario Party. It goes about as well as human Mario Party.</p><p>Done for HSWC Bonus Round 1.</p><p>"Latula ♠ Porrim</p><p>Remember that time when Porrim thought playing Troll Mario Party would be a good idea?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Play Mario Party

"How about this one?" Porrim held up a box, waving it a little. Hanging out with Latula was usually fun, until she got wrapped up in a game, and then it became... well, honestly, incredibly boring. And most of Latula's multiplayer selection was rather... sports focused, which Porrim just wasn't into. Or a handful of shooters, which Porrim was even less into.

Latula barely glanced up from her handheld, not quite seeing what game it was. "Which one?"

"Oh, um..." The cover looked bright and fun enough, which is why she picked it, flipping the box back over. "An Assortment of Gurabutendo Characters Including Marioh Luuigi Empress Peatch and the Green King Moving Around a Board Game Setting Broken Up By--"

Latula whispered... "No."

"--a Collection of Minigames Focusing on Reflexes and Skill With a Hint of Randomness and Button Mashing--"

"Oh no."

"--for the Purpose of Collecting More Stars Than the Other Players and Claiming Victory--

Latula hadn't even noticed she'd just lost a life in her game, staring at Porrim with absolute horror.

"--Five."

"No, no. You don't want to play that one, Pomary. Trust me. Truuuust me."

"What? Latula. Come on. You've been playing games all evening and I've just been sitting here doing nothing. It's unacceptable. You have no games I like and this one actually sounds fun."

"Pornstar. Popo. Please. You just need to take my word for it. It's evil. It's cursed."

"No, grab a controller. I'm putting it in. Plus, how about, to make things interesting, loser has sex with the winner."

"Ooh, a bet! Wait. Doesn't that mean we have sex either way?"

Porrim arched an eyebrow and grinned. "Now you're getting it, Latula."

She sighed. She sighed hard. Porrim should have taken it as a sign that even the promise of sex in the air still had Latula hesitating. "Okay. Fine. Merrygamz, I am warning you. This is a bad plan though. And not bad as in good. Bad as in horrible." She grabbed an extra controller and plugged them in as Porrim got the game ready.

Powered on, the bright and colorful title screen popped up on the television. "This is going to be fun, Latula."

It was fun. The first couple of rounds. But then a game of explosive hot potato came up.

"What! No! Come on! Latula, bullshit! That is bullshit, Latula!"

"Whatever Pomary, that's how things go."

And things went fine again. Latula had an unfair lead, but still...

Until a game involving turning a crank by rotating the control stick as fast as possible.

"Aaaaah! Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit! Fucking hell! That is going to be a blister! Porrim, please."

"Ha!" Porrim gave a fistpump into the air. "Serves you right for that coin stealing item earlier. Suck my nook."

"I ain't sucking nothing. You're going down, and not in the fun way!"

And then the game where players literally just picked boxes and hoped they didn't explode. No skill, no ability, no patterns, just luck. That was when Porrim actually socked Latula right in the shoulder, which was just another injury added to the palm blister she was already developing.

Which led to Latula shoulder checking Porrim against the arm of the couch. Which led to accidentally skipping a turn.

A dialogue box popped up. 'And the star for the most red spaces landed on goes to...' A drumroll sound effect. 'Peatch!' Porrim clapped and then flipped Latula off.

"Fuck you, Pornstar."

"Fuck you. One more star and we're tied!"

'And the star for most stars goes to...' Drumroll.

"Excuse me? A star for most stars? A STAR FOR MOST STARS?"

"A-ha-ha! And that would be me!" Latula flipped her off with both middles.

The name 'Warioh' wasn't even fully on the screen when it broke. Well, it didn't break. The controller break it. Though, not by itself. It was pretty much entirely Porrim's fault for throwing it right through.

"Did you. Did you just..."

"Fucking bullshit! I should chainsaw the fucking Gurabuwhateverthefuckitiscalled right in half!"

"You just... my..."

"This game! This game! This fucking game!"

And Latula was on Porrim with a shriek, slamming her down to the floor and shaking her. "You just broke my television! You just... how dare you! What the actual fresh hell, Porrim! What the actual fresh hell!"

"Oh, boo hoo! You have a grubtop and your little handhelds and guess what, I actually don't care. You are a cheater!"

"I'm a cheater? I don't cheat! Game Grrl code."

"Take your code and shove it right up your chute, Latula!"

"I told you! I warned you about Gurabutendo Collection of Minigames, but did you listen? Nooo!"

"Well pardon me for wanting to be a good matesprit and showing interest in your stupid shit hobbies!"

Latula gasped in offense and felt her blood boil. "Hey, you know how loser owes winner sex? I'm gonna be extra generous, Popo, and say you can just go take that sex and go fuck yourself!"

Latula wasn't expecting the headbutt. Neither was Porrim, despite being the one who did it. But Latula rolled off her with a wince and they both sprawled there on the floor, clutching their heads and letting out a simultaneous hiss of "you asshole!"

"You owe me a new television!"

"And you owe me a bonus star!"

"And you were me a get the hell out of my hive!"

"That doesn't make sense! That doesn't even make any sense!"

Latula non-verbally invited Porrim to make sense of her hand as she slapped it vaguely in Porrim's direction, and Porrim took the message and got up, heading for the door. And never played video games again after that. At least until Marioh and Luuigi Have a New Adventure Saving the Empress From the Green King Featuring New Power-Ups on the Gurabutendo Vii...


End file.
